Life of a panda

idk what to really describe or say.. and u know thats the problem i hate about myself i never know anything

i never know how to react

i never know how to hide

i never know how to show

how to speak

how to feel

how to explain

i dont know shit about myself

and thats sad… i realize that now… after

seeing that the one think i want to do is make ppl happy

but i cant even do that because i always fuck everything up all the fucken time!!!

last night was a very enjoyable time who wouldnt have fun with alcohol lol its always a good time expecially when u have good ppl to spend it with but the effects and the after result is what fucks everything up

last night a subject came up that wasnt suppost to come up… and before i could say anything people around me did things that they shouldnt of have done… now im so lost in toughts  i cant wait to go back home… this whole trip was a mistake.. all these times i come down here its all been a mistake … i know were i live.. and i will stay there.. from now on… intill i really leave to utah… fuck all this expectations and all the feelings and all the crap . 500 days of summer showed me something that i needed to remember that guy doesnt get the girl that hes looking for they never do  that the girl will find them hopefully one day if not that poor sucker of a guy like me will end up alone and die in a death bed at the age of 35-40 because all the looks forward to is a pack or two of cigaretts and a big bottle of vodka