Life of a panda

there are times were you just dont know what to think or do.. and when u dont have an options ur friends take over and do what u needed to do long ago…

tonight was no exception… it was a fun night hanging with the brothers which i hadnt really hanged out with in a long time so it was all fun.. but they all saw me .. with a face like if something was wrong…. before i knew it shots had been servered and tales were being told.. and shot after shot truths were told.. and tonight.. things were said.. not by me but by another .. that hurt someone else.. this shouldnt of happend… now idk what to do.. today in all has been a mess… its horrible.. yes i vented sorta not really to the girl i dreamed about over and over.. but nothing.. the vent ended fast because of my friend who interupted… and then my friends made shit even worse.. fuck idk what to do any more… long talks with barcadi and jager are fun.. but fuck… i need more in this life… i need more exitement i need more liberations… and for a long time i though u were that… i still do … but…. idk if u are.. or not.. maybe thats why i could stop thinking of you….because i envy you style ur self being… your an amazing person who has her own unique personality… thats why i might be so attracted to you.. but now… idk … u say that friend ship between us two shouldnt be… and i desagree i rather hold every feeling inside an act like nothing happend than to lose a real  close friend like you and you know who u are and if you dont … u will because ur the only person who calls me panda and i call  u phil…

i said once that i would wait for you a year or two… what i should of said .. is that i will be there for as long as you need me.. i should be the way i am … i should be jealous.. i shouldnt be angry… your still young.. and u need to adventurise urself and have experiences .. as i did … so to you phil… i think what i needed was today… thats what i needed… because i know i have feelings for you and they will never go away.. but i know that ill be ok from this point on to at least talk to u and see you

i think are friend ship is worth alot mroe than my feelings for you

so im sorry i hope u read this….